Thursday, February 11, 2010

Five Things I Hate - Times Four!

This wonderful reader is gracing us with twenty things she hates. Just as well, since I ignore this blog so vehemently. Don't mean to. Enjoy.

I have a nice long list of things/people I hate. It's ranting time.

1) Religion. Since when do people venerate 3000-year-old executionmethods and think their imaginary friend is actually three people orthink the earth is 6000 years old or cannibalize their imaginaryfriend? Or since when do people walk several times about giant blackrocks in the middle of a stadium or think it is somehow okay andnecessary to whack off foreskins? Or since when do people think it isokay to waste food on libations to their imaginary friend or thinktheir imaginary friend is a blue-skinned many-armed weirdo or a dudewith an elephant head?At least the Pastafarians are funny.

2) Creationists. I'm not sure how mentally undeveloped these freaksare that they'll ignore all scientific evidence and instead tout theirfavorite book, authored 2000 years ago by some cretinous bunch ofpeasants, as some sort of proof.

3) Republicans. Giving more to the rich does not give to the poor,cutting taxes does not mean society gets more, women are notsecond-class citizens, the government does not own women's uteri, andtheocracy is a shitty form of government.

4) Postmodernists. If you mention deconstruction or Foucault one moretime, I am going to beat you over the head with both a copy of Strunkand White and stacks of scientific articles and literature that provethat you dudes are not only full of shit in calling others whodisagree with you sexist or racist, but also that you are moronicfuckbags who don't understand the wording of half the words you say.Sokal would be proud of me when I beat you into a pulp.

5) Anti-vaxxers. See #2, except instead of the buy-bull, they listento snake-oil peddlers.

6) The uneducated. I do not like idiots, and I especially hate theones without an education. College should be free so the people whocan't afford it but have the ability can get an education, and theones who don't have the ability should become corn fertilizer, becausein my opinion, if you aren't educated, you aren't worth the shit thatGeorge Bush expels on a daily basis. And I already hate anythingGeorge Bush produces.

7) Pregnant women. They give me the willies and their hormones make them nuts.

8) People who have more than 2 kids. You've already replacedyourself, morons. Get a fucking tubal or a vasectomy.

9) Children. Most of them are too fucking whiny and they're a sap ontheir parents' time and money. I'm not having any.

10) Histrionic people. Too much emotion makes for unstable assholes.Also, they're usually irrational. I don't like the excessivelyirrational. Can we give these people a permanent Valium drip?

11) Frat boys and sorority girls. This is self-explanatory.

12) Fundies. See #2 and #3.

13) Fred Phelps, because he deserves his own little category of hatefor being a frothing-at-the-mouth fuckbag (he hates gay people so muchI suspect he's so far in the closet that he's banging on the backwall) who even his own fellow boils-on-the-ass-of-humanity, thefundies, despise from the bottom of their putrid black pus-riddenpericardia (they have no hearts).

14) Those fucking little alarm clocks that go WAAAAAK WAAAAK WAAAAAKWAAAK WAAAK WAAAK.

15) Most fellow Americans. I don't think I have to explain this one.

16) Anyone who talks like this on the internet: "ASL OMG U R SO DUMCAN I HAVE PIC BRB WANT TO CYBER".

17) Reality TV.

18) Businessmen, journalists, and advertisers.

19) Politicians, who are really largely only in it for the paychecks.

20) Insecure people who, as a result, are hostile ignorant dickwads.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

This list of 20 is pretty on point. well done.

Furious Lackey

5:53 AM  
Blogger Struggling Gay-Mormon Bishop said...

Wow. I'm not sure why you bother to live. If I were you I'd blow my brains out. Everyone hates something, but you hate everything. I'm betting that everyone hates you. Do us all a favor and go quietly. I hate you times fifty.

2:49 PM  
Blogger chrissy said...

The only reason why your bashing literally like 98% of the population is unsatisfied with your life. You're pissed it didn't turn.out exactly how ii wanted and obviously have a low self esteem and feel like you're the vicm of everything and what the person above said was way to harsh but you do Need to get over yourself suck it up and take responsibility for your life because news flash no one has a perfect life. And hating the world isn't gonna make yours better.

9:18 PM  

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