Five Things I Hate - Times Four!

This wonderful reader is gracing us with twenty things she hates. Just as well, since I ignore this blog so vehemently. Don't mean to. Enjoy.

I have a nice long list of things/people I hate. It's ranting time.

1) Religion. Since when do people venerate 3000-year-old executionmethods and think their imaginary friend is actually three people orthink the earth is 6000 years old or cannibalize their imaginaryfriend? Or since when do people walk several times about giant blackrocks in the middle of a stadium or think it is somehow okay andnecessary to whack off foreskins? Or since when do people think it isokay to waste food on libations to their imaginary friend or thinktheir imaginary friend is a blue-skinned many-armed weirdo or a dudewith an elephant head?At least the Pastafarians are funny.

2) Creationists. I'm not sure how mentally undeveloped these freaksare that they'll ignore all scientific evidence and instead tout theirfavorite book, authored 2000 years ago by some cretinous bunch ofpeasants, as some sort of proof.

3) Republicans. Giving more to the rich does not give to the poor,cutting taxes does not mean society gets more, women are notsecond-class citizens, the government does not own women's uteri, andtheocracy is a shitty form of government.

4) Postmodernists. If you mention deconstruction or Foucault one moretime, I am going to beat you over the head with both a copy of Strunkand White and stacks of scientific articles and literature that provethat you dudes are not only full of shit in calling others whodisagree with you sexist or racist, but also that you are moronicfuckbags who don't understand the wording of half the words you say.Sokal would be proud of me when I beat you into a pulp.

5) Anti-vaxxers. See #2, except instead of the buy-bull, they listento snake-oil peddlers.

6) The uneducated. I do not like idiots, and I especially hate theones without an education. College should be free so the people whocan't afford it but have the ability can get an education, and theones who don't have the ability should become corn fertilizer, becausein my opinion, if you aren't educated, you aren't worth the shit thatGeorge Bush expels on a daily basis. And I already hate anythingGeorge Bush produces.

7) Pregnant women. They give me the willies and their hormones make them nuts.

8) People who have more than 2 kids. You've already replacedyourself, morons. Get a fucking tubal or a vasectomy.

9) Children. Most of them are too fucking whiny and they're a sap ontheir parents' time and money. I'm not having any.

10) Histrionic people. Too much emotion makes for unstable assholes.Also, they're usually irrational. I don't like the excessivelyirrational. Can we give these people a permanent Valium drip?

11) Frat boys and sorority girls. This is self-explanatory.

12) Fundies. See #2 and #3.

13) Fred Phelps, because he deserves his own little category of hatefor being a frothing-at-the-mouth fuckbag (he hates gay people so muchI suspect he's so far in the closet that he's banging on the backwall) who even his own fellow boils-on-the-ass-of-humanity, thefundies, despise from the bottom of their putrid black pus-riddenpericardia (they have no hearts).

14) Those fucking little alarm clocks that go WAAAAAK WAAAAK WAAAAAKWAAAK WAAAK WAAAK.

15) Most fellow Americans. I don't think I have to explain this one.

16) Anyone who talks like this on the internet: "ASL OMG U R SO DUMCAN I HAVE PIC BRB WANT TO CYBER".

17) Reality TV.

18) Businessmen, journalists, and advertisers.

19) Politicians, who are really largely only in it for the paychecks.

20) Insecure people who, as a result, are hostile ignorant dickwads.

We don't mind the ranting!

1. Waiting at the doctors office. Who do these doctors think they are? I set up an appointment a month in advance, I show up 5 minutes before the confirmed appointment time, yet I still have to sit and wait for 45 minutes in your lousy waiting room while music with a monotony similar to an overcast day slowly kills the right side of my brain? Completely unreasonable. It's condescending and rude, almost as if the doctor is trying to say "I know we had an appointment, but I am SO MUCH MORE important than you that you'll just have to wait anyway. You know what asshole? Next time I think I'll just diagnose myself.

2. Worthless things you have to learn in school. There's a place for everything you have to learn in school, all knowledge has its place. Why though should we have to learn absurd dribble that has absolutely zero relevance to my chosen career? If my goal is to become a commercial pilot, there is no fathomable reason for me to have to learn advanced calculus *PERIOD*. I know what being a pilot entail, and it sure as hell doesn't involve Leibniz notation. So you want to be a mathematician? Physicist? Good for you! Leave me the hell out of it. Don't get me wrong, having a sound knowledge of mathematics, the sciences, and history is essential, but you can only take it so far. While my English professor is preaching the underlying mechanics of grammar construction I should be learning basic avionics and FAA regulations.

3. People who vote on things without any real knowledge of what they're voting for (and don't pay any attention to the actions of whoever they voted for once they've won). Every now and then, you inevitably end up talking with your coworker about politics. Now I don't know about you, but I could honestly care less who they are voting for. At the very least, however, they should know something about all the choices, especially the one they are supporting. "I'm voting for candidate X!" "Well, can you explain why he gets your vote? What makes him the better choice?" "Uh, he's pretty cool! His age! I don't really have any goddamn idea! It seems like the popular choice!". Brilliant job taking advantage of the democratic system. Oh wait, you're actually just supporting a moronocracy. Three, four, five months later politics comes up again. Inevitably the politician has done something godawful by this time, so you ask "So, is the person you voted in everything you thought they would be?" in a sarcastic tone hoping to provoke some poorly thought out defense. No, sorry, you won't even get that. Instead you're greeted with a mind shatteringly stupid "Why? What has he done? Ohh... Is it bad?". Speechless.

4. Restaurants serving cuisine that goes completely against the rest of the menu. It's 2:30, and you haven't eaten lunch, know what that means? It means you're hungry. And today, you feel like you want some Chinese food. That's right, General Tsao take me away to spicy chicken paradise. So you head to the closest Chinese restaurant, what do you know, it's an all you can eat Chinese buffet. All you can eat? Perfect, you're ready to power down some serious rice. You hastily park your car not quite parallel with the lines, rush inside, grab a table for one, and before you've even finished ordering your drink you're walking among isles of delicious Chinese dishes ready for the taking. Orange chicken, Hong Kong chicken, maybe you're feeling adventurous and something you don't recognize finds its way to your plate. Then you see it, glaring at you like a huge mole on the otherwise perfect skin of an attractive woman. Fucking pizza. Not just pizza, but pizza that looks like it was REJECTED from the high school cafeteria. Your appetite is injured, horribly injured. As you make your way back to your table you start to wonder, why is there pizza at a Chinese buffet? Your question is promptly answered by a gluttonous squeal from the booth behind you. Children. Parents who bring their whiny children to a Chinese buffet when they know damn well they're kids don't want anything outside the average bland American dish. Because of this, poor Ming in the kitchen has had to try to cobble together a pizza to please the obnoxious soccer moms who complain that there was nothing for their children to eat, which leaves less love for the egg drop soup. *rage*At this point I'm noticing the increasing length of these entries, an obvious sign of my descent into incoherent ranting. I'll do my best to wrap this up without ruining my keyboard by uncontrollably frothing at the mouth. No promises. If I don't make it, expect a future follow-up

5. Oh you've got to be kidding me. The ass behind be just spilled his syrupy fucking drink all over the floor, and it has run beneath my desk, coating the soles of my shoes. Now I'll have to walk around the rest of the day with that annoying stickyness and sickening sound thnkas to his iind;.dalmkm./........................................



EDITOR'S NOTE: I will have to differ with you on the Chinese buffets. Those places are cheap (both in cost and in substance) and I am actually delighted by their take on Western foods. There is one I go to with my sister in Springfield Illinois and it is just hilarious some of the things they come up with. E.g. baked mussels covered in cheese and breadcrumbs. Annoying as it may be, if you want good Chinese food without a bunch of that other crap thrown in, you have to go to a Chinatown restaurant. (I don't know where you live, but if you're in a major city most of them do have a Chinatown district.)

Justifiable hate

1. Take out sushi with one weenie little packet of soy sauce.

2. Giant truck owners who can't fit their vehicle between the parking lines.

3. Days that start out sunny and go cloudy

4. Billions in bail outs for the rich, but nothing for the unemployed and hungry.

5. Rush Limbaugh