Wednesday, May 13, 2009

We don't mind the ranting!

1. Waiting at the doctors office. Who do these doctors think they are? I set up an appointment a month in advance, I show up 5 minutes before the confirmed appointment time, yet I still have to sit and wait for 45 minutes in your lousy waiting room while music with a monotony similar to an overcast day slowly kills the right side of my brain? Completely unreasonable. It's condescending and rude, almost as if the doctor is trying to say "I know we had an appointment, but I am SO MUCH MORE important than you that you'll just have to wait anyway. You know what asshole? Next time I think I'll just diagnose myself.

2. Worthless things you have to learn in school. There's a place for everything you have to learn in school, all knowledge has its place. Why though should we have to learn absurd dribble that has absolutely zero relevance to my chosen career? If my goal is to become a commercial pilot, there is no fathomable reason for me to have to learn advanced calculus *PERIOD*. I know what being a pilot entail, and it sure as hell doesn't involve Leibniz notation. So you want to be a mathematician? Physicist? Good for you! Leave me the hell out of it. Don't get me wrong, having a sound knowledge of mathematics, the sciences, and history is essential, but you can only take it so far. While my English professor is preaching the underlying mechanics of grammar construction I should be learning basic avionics and FAA regulations.

3. People who vote on things without any real knowledge of what they're voting for (and don't pay any attention to the actions of whoever they voted for once they've won). Every now and then, you inevitably end up talking with your coworker about politics. Now I don't know about you, but I could honestly care less who they are voting for. At the very least, however, they should know something about all the choices, especially the one they are supporting. "I'm voting for candidate X!" "Well, can you explain why he gets your vote? What makes him the better choice?" "Uh, he's pretty cool! His age! I don't really have any goddamn idea! It seems like the popular choice!". Brilliant job taking advantage of the democratic system. Oh wait, you're actually just supporting a moronocracy. Three, four, five months later politics comes up again. Inevitably the politician has done something godawful by this time, so you ask "So, is the person you voted in everything you thought they would be?" in a sarcastic tone hoping to provoke some poorly thought out defense. No, sorry, you won't even get that. Instead you're greeted with a mind shatteringly stupid "Why? What has he done? Ohh... Is it bad?". Speechless.

4. Restaurants serving cuisine that goes completely against the rest of the menu. It's 2:30, and you haven't eaten lunch, know what that means? It means you're hungry. And today, you feel like you want some Chinese food. That's right, General Tsao take me away to spicy chicken paradise. So you head to the closest Chinese restaurant, what do you know, it's an all you can eat Chinese buffet. All you can eat? Perfect, you're ready to power down some serious rice. You hastily park your car not quite parallel with the lines, rush inside, grab a table for one, and before you've even finished ordering your drink you're walking among isles of delicious Chinese dishes ready for the taking. Orange chicken, Hong Kong chicken, maybe you're feeling adventurous and something you don't recognize finds its way to your plate. Then you see it, glaring at you like a huge mole on the otherwise perfect skin of an attractive woman. Fucking pizza. Not just pizza, but pizza that looks like it was REJECTED from the high school cafeteria. Your appetite is injured, horribly injured. As you make your way back to your table you start to wonder, why is there pizza at a Chinese buffet? Your question is promptly answered by a gluttonous squeal from the booth behind you. Children. Parents who bring their whiny children to a Chinese buffet when they know damn well they're kids don't want anything outside the average bland American dish. Because of this, poor Ming in the kitchen has had to try to cobble together a pizza to please the obnoxious soccer moms who complain that there was nothing for their children to eat, which leaves less love for the egg drop soup. *rage*At this point I'm noticing the increasing length of these entries, an obvious sign of my descent into incoherent ranting. I'll do my best to wrap this up without ruining my keyboard by uncontrollably frothing at the mouth. No promises. If I don't make it, expect a future follow-up

5. Oh you've got to be kidding me. The ass behind be just spilled his syrupy fucking drink all over the floor, and it has run beneath my desk, coating the soles of my shoes. Now I'll have to walk around the rest of the day with that annoying stickyness and sickening sound thnkas to his iind;.dalmkm./........................................

EDITOR'S NOTE: I will have to differ with you on the Chinese buffets. Those places are cheap (both in cost and in substance) and I am actually delighted by their take on Western foods. There is one I go to with my sister in Springfield Illinois and it is just hilarious some of the things they come up with. E.g. baked mussels covered in cheese and breadcrumbs. Annoying as it may be, if you want good Chinese food without a bunch of that other crap thrown in, you have to go to a Chinatown restaurant. (I don't know where you live, but if you're in a major city most of them do have a Chinatown district.)

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