Five things that make me crankier than usual

#1 - People who are stupid and proud of it.

#2 - People who crack their knuckles & pretend it feels good.

#3 - Creationists, the latest soulmate of the Flat-Earth Society

#4 - Ebonics, which is actually nothing more than baby talk that nobody
related to the child was smart enough, educated enough or caring enough
to correct.

#5 - Open casket funerals

Get it?

1. Casa Lupita

2. You just got punched in the...

3. Smoth

4. Shremph

5. Inside Jokes

No biggie, but

1. A cappella singers

2. People who have made acting like a pirate "ironic"

3. When my lover cries in a plastic bag, writes the cause of her sadness on the bag in permanent marker, and throws the bag at me with such force that it explodes on me; and I'm forced to piece the bag back together to determine the source of her dissatisfaction

4. Racism

5. Garfield memorabilia

Duh!

1. Women who wear tennis shoes with business suits. Get a comfortable pair of pumps, you look like an idiot.

2. Businesses that spell their name wrong, ala Kwik Kopy.

3. Female Disc Jockeys

4. Southern Accents

5. Grasshoppers

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Memorial Day Hatred

1.Rumble strips (those things just past the white line on the side of the road that make that god-awful noise when you drive on 'em)

2. Forgetting to sniff a new carton of milk and finding out that it's sour after I've taken a big swig.

3. Stupid corporate cubicle-hamsters that can't read or even get out of the building without someone showing them how to open the bloody door.

4. Yard work

5. Syndicated television programming

People I hate and I don't care if this gives them more power

1. Fred Goldyard

2. Jimmy Deale

3. Seymour Clastner

4. Bill Macher

5. Shelly Richmond

Miscellaneous hate on a Sunday

1) I hate lists that ask for only five things that I hate when the list could be so much longer.

2) I hate some people but I will not name them for that gives them more power.

3) I hate that as I mature and feel a bit wiser over time, my body seems to prefer entropy.

4) I hate cheap nougat filling such as in a Snicker's bar.

5) I hate the fact that although the current leaders in our country are clearly bad and evil people, so have been the leaders in the non-profit jobs I have had - what is it with us that we love to be lead by such assholes?!!!

Hate on a Friday

1. I hate lists that limit me to only 5 things I hate when I have so many more things to list.

2. I hate the smell of hot butterscotch sauce.

3. I hate whiny people especially if they have grating voices.

4. I hate stupidity, though I love the inane.

5. I hate that there is so much hate in the world.

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I really hate...

1. Wet Sock

2. Having My Internet Go Down

3. Throwing Away Food

4. Not Being Able To Find My Keys

5. The Fact That Our President Has Told Countless Lies That Have Contributed To The Deaths Of Thousands Of People, Continues To Repeat Such Lies While Wearing A Shit-Eating Grin, Ignores Anyone Who Tries To Suggest That He's A Liar, And Seems To Be Pretty Much Getting Away With It.

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Five things to hate at the movies

1. Wrapper/Bag rustling noises.

2. Sitting by me when the theater is nearly empty.

3. Chewing noises.

4. Kicking the back of my seat.

5. Laughing louder and longer than everyone else, so we all know that
you *really* get it.

Filling a heart with Hate

1. Dog owners who let their dogs walk off leash, then get mad when your dog wants to pick a fight with theirs. Umm, whose dog is loose?

2. Corporate lunches. I'm a stockholder - who the hell thinks that spending upwards of $200 for Potbellies so someone can have a "working lunch" is worth it? Make 'em pack.

3. Meetings. People who do nothing but go to meetings all day. Who's getting shit done?

4. Theater and film critics who turn out to be failed artists or someone who couldn't make it. Easy to screw someone else over with your opinion.

5. Any politician who uses "war speak" phrases, even though they themselves have never been in a war in their life, or even a fight.

Examples:
"That's the situation *on the ground*".

"Bring 'em on."

"Fighting them there so we don't have to fight them here"

"Iran? North Korea? Let's use diplomacy - no, has nothing to do with the fact that they have nukes"

Everyone loves to fight that doesn't have to get their hands bloody/dirty doing so.

Idolatry Hatred

1. Listening to Katherine sing

2. Watching Katherine get her comments from the judges

3. Watching Katherine dance

4. Seeing Katherine's belly or cleavage

5. Katherine McPhee

#@*!@#!!! Five Things

1. Dead beat dads who don't pay child support

2. The part of my bra that is making me itch right now

3. Long, sappy, drawn out sitcom series finales

4. How the military has such a nice way of screwing up my best laid plans

5. Inconsiderate neighbors

Very crabby

1) People who say they don't watch tv.

2) People who don't swear

3) People who don't drink (acceptable if they are an alcoholic)

4) People who stop to adjust their roller-board suitcase immediately after departing a plane or jetway. Get the hell out of my way.

5) People who take up too much public space (walk on the left, stand on the right a-hole!)

Five Things now allows comments

Gentle readers,
At first I thought it would be a bad idea to allow for commenting on Five Things I Hate because I want this to be a safe space for you, my readers, to dump your bile without fear of tarnished reputations or any other repercussions.

However, after posting the last entry (where the poster talks about hating mouth noises) I was overwhelmed with the desire to insert my own feelings about mouth noises, being a secret-eating-listener as chronicled in the January 2005 archives of my main blog, Coaster Punchman's World.

I didn't want to detract from that person's entry by mucking it up with my own dirty laundry, and it soon became clear that I should just open up FTIH for commenting. I guess I could have just told you all of this in a comment. But that's the great thing about having a blog like Five Things I Hate. I am the lord of this webspace. I try to rule fairly, but sometimes I'm meaner than hell, just for the fun of it.

So enjoy, Gentle Readers. But remember that we must play nicely. You can make fun of people all you want in your comments, but if you post comments intending to reveal the identity of another poster, I will delete them. You are of course free to identify yourself in your own posting.

I hope this is fun. We'll see how it goes.

I hate most of these things too

1. mouth noises (chewing with mouth open, popping gum, gross swallowingnoises, ill-fitting teeth noises, the "ahhh" after a refreshing drink,whistling, etc).

2. someone standing at a transaction counter (misc store, food counter,etc) for way too long after they've finished their transaction,apparently unaware that anyone else exists in the world and might bestanding behind them waiting to pay for their item.

3. slow, zig-zaging walkers.

4. loud talkers in public places.

5. people having to explain why they asked you a question, after youalready told them that you don't know the answer. Does it matter???

Jam etc.

1. strawberry jam
2. toe jam
3. traffic jams
4. jam bands
5. boogers that retreat up your nose until you can't find them. god, i hate that.

Micromanagers

1. 25 year old yahoos with MBAs who impose their supposed authority on seasoned salespeople, all from within their ivory cubicles in company HQ.

2. Reports on what you have done in your job.

3. Any person besides an immediate superior who demands such reports.

4. People who give orders while having no fucking clue what they are talking about.

5. The fact that it is illegal to murder, or at least lock up and torture, these micromanagers.

5 Things I Hate about the Gym

1. People who spread out all over the benches in the locker room. Be aware of your surroundings.

2. The crazy Finnish woman who keeps throwing cold water on the steamroom sensor so that it spews out steam constantly.

3. Pubes.

4. The woman who does yoga in the steam room. I'm all for the whole mind-body thing, but it's steamy and dark in there; someone is going to trip over her.

5. The crosstraining machine of doom.