Monday, June 26, 2006

People hate

1. I hate people who purport to have a "conversation" with you when all they do is change the subject every time you make a statement. Would it kill you to ask a follow up question to show the person you actually give a shit about what they are saying?

2. I hate people who are self centered.

3. I hate people who never laugh at anything you say because they are too busy trying to think of something even wittier to reply to you with.

4. I hate selfish cheapskates.

5. When it really comes down to it, I just hate people.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Commuter and office hatred

1. The fucking wench who had her long hair hanging over the back of MY seat on the train, who then had the nerve to complain to me TWICE that everytime I moved I pulled hair. I wish I would have had the nerve to just grab it and yank her around like a stuffed toy. Instead, I'm venting to you.

2. Women who wear flip flops and other back-less shoes in the office. This is not summer camp, you stupid wenches. Grow up and realize you need a professional wardrobe.

3. Losers under 30 who just don't get what it means to dress and act professionally. God damn whippersnappers. When I was just starting out it was suits, ties and business suits. And don't you dare go visit one of your clients dressed like the tramps and losers that you are in the office.

4. People who shove past you to get into the train before the people getting off have had a chance to exit. You people were raised in fucking barns. Jesus Christ I hate people sometimes.

5. People who sit on their fat asses on busses and trains while some old person with a CANE stands. God damn. People are such shits I can hardly even stand it anymore. I'm about to have a "Falling Down" moment any day soon.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Summer hatred

1. Standing next to a sweaty guy with the pungent aroma of garlic sweat on the Tube who has no sense of personal space.

2. Sticky condensation on my face that makes me look like I'm melting when I walk into air-conditioned buildings.

3. Chafing.

4. Oppressively still, heavy air that makes sleep impossible.

5. The smell of trash in alleyways on a 90 degree day.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Hating people in my neighborhood

1. Middle aged men driving expensive cars. No, you do not own the road, and no, that car doesn't make your penis look bigger.

2. People who go outside to talk on the cell phone at night and talk loud enough for everyone within 100 yards to hear their entire conversation. Just because you don't have to get up in the morning doesn't mean that we all get to sleep in. And by the way, the reason he never called you again is because you're TOO DAMN LOUD!
3. Stroller moms. No, you don't own the road. Or the sidewalk. And please don't block the aisle in the bookstore with that thing.

4. Teen-aged gang-banger boys. Yes, I realize that you are very very cool, and oh so threatening, but you lose credibility when you spray paint on Newspaper boxes. Am I now supposed to believe that the Latin Kings control access to the Chicago Tribune?

5. Anyone wearing chaps.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Blog hatred

1. When I'm hitting the "next" button on blogs, and the next blog is all customized and has no "next" button. That seriously interferes with my blog enjoyment. Grrr...

2. When the next blog is not only customized, but in another language.

3. When the next blog is just some spammy advertisement.

4. When there is a "next" button, but it has some funky banner thing over it so you can't click it or you'll be whisked away to some completely other page... very sneaky.

5. When the next blog is something brilliant (like Five Things I Hate), and I didn't think of it first!!!

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Capitol Hate

1. Bush

2. Cheney

3. Rice

4. Rumsfeld

5. Gonzalez

Southern dislikes

1. Tourists- in the south it's an endless cycle of tourists-from-the-north-who-don't know-that-the-left-lane-is-for-fast-moving-vehicles-only, morphing to tourists-who stop-in-the-middle-of-the-road-to-admire-the-ocean, ending with tourists-who-think-they-can-say-whatever-they-want-to-locals-as-of-they-were-a-local-themselves. Repeat this cycle. I hate it.

2. People who are not friendly to others. I mean, if a person is serving you (like in a restaurant), why be mean? Or if a telemarketer calls you, why be mean? They're just doing their job- just politely ask to be put on a do-not-call list and then say have a nice day.

3. Interestingly enough- telemarketers.

4. Chafing- that feeling of "if-I-so-much-as-walk-I-will-bleed-to-death-from-the-lack-of-skin-on-my-thighs" feeling is the WORST!

5. People who always want to argue- the people who respond with "The special effects sucked" when I say "That movie was great!" Or the people who say "That light was red" after I have just gone through a clearly yellow light. Or the people that hold onto a powerless point (like the earth being flat, for example), simply for the sake of making an argument. <-- interesting tales of a waiter

Friday, June 02, 2006

This just in from England

1. People who call the office, don’t enunciate their names properly, and then get pissed off when you mispronounce it. TALK WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN, THEN!

2. People who bump into me and expect me to say sorry. I won’t.

3. Bloody tourists – I mean, thanks for visiting the country and all, we Brits love you for it, but please get out of the bloody way when we’re trying to get past you. Don’t stand in front of me – MOVE!

4. Holding the door open for someone who doesn’t say thank you - HOPE. YOU. DIE.

5. Drivers who tell you to cross the road when they stop in traffic. Look, if the green man don’t say walk, I don’t walk. I cross the road in my own time and if you don’t like it, BOTHERED! I don’t tell you when to drive, do I?