We don't mind the ranting!

1. Waiting at the doctors office. Who do these doctors think they are? I set up an appointment a month in advance, I show up 5 minutes before the confirmed appointment time, yet I still have to sit and wait for 45 minutes in your lousy waiting room while music with a monotony similar to an overcast day slowly kills the right side of my brain? Completely unreasonable. It's condescending and rude, almost as if the doctor is trying to say "I know we had an appointment, but I am SO MUCH MORE important than you that you'll just have to wait anyway. You know what asshole? Next time I think I'll just diagnose myself.

2. Worthless things you have to learn in school. There's a place for everything you have to learn in school, all knowledge has its place. Why though should we have to learn absurd dribble that has absolutely zero relevance to my chosen career? If my goal is to become a commercial pilot, there is no fathomable reason for me to have to learn advanced calculus *PERIOD*. I know what being a pilot entail, and it sure as hell doesn't involve Leibniz notation. So you want to be a mathematician? Physicist? Good for you! Leave me the hell out of it. Don't get me wrong, having a sound knowledge of mathematics, the sciences, and history is essential, but you can only take it so far. While my English professor is preaching the underlying mechanics of grammar construction I should be learning basic avionics and FAA regulations.

3. People who vote on things without any real knowledge of what they're voting for (and don't pay any attention to the actions of whoever they voted for once they've won). Every now and then, you inevitably end up talking with your coworker about politics. Now I don't know about you, but I could honestly care less who they are voting for. At the very least, however, they should know something about all the choices, especially the one they are supporting. "I'm voting for candidate X!" "Well, can you explain why he gets your vote? What makes him the better choice?" "Uh, he's pretty cool! His age! I don't really have any goddamn idea! It seems like the popular choice!". Brilliant job taking advantage of the democratic system. Oh wait, you're actually just supporting a moronocracy. Three, four, five months later politics comes up again. Inevitably the politician has done something godawful by this time, so you ask "So, is the person you voted in everything you thought they would be?" in a sarcastic tone hoping to provoke some poorly thought out defense. No, sorry, you won't even get that. Instead you're greeted with a mind shatteringly stupid "Why? What has he done? Ohh... Is it bad?". Speechless.

4. Restaurants serving cuisine that goes completely against the rest of the menu. It's 2:30, and you haven't eaten lunch, know what that means? It means you're hungry. And today, you feel like you want some Chinese food. That's right, General Tsao take me away to spicy chicken paradise. So you head to the closest Chinese restaurant, what do you know, it's an all you can eat Chinese buffet. All you can eat? Perfect, you're ready to power down some serious rice. You hastily park your car not quite parallel with the lines, rush inside, grab a table for one, and before you've even finished ordering your drink you're walking among isles of delicious Chinese dishes ready for the taking. Orange chicken, Hong Kong chicken, maybe you're feeling adventurous and something you don't recognize finds its way to your plate. Then you see it, glaring at you like a huge mole on the otherwise perfect skin of an attractive woman. Fucking pizza. Not just pizza, but pizza that looks like it was REJECTED from the high school cafeteria. Your appetite is injured, horribly injured. As you make your way back to your table you start to wonder, why is there pizza at a Chinese buffet? Your question is promptly answered by a gluttonous squeal from the booth behind you. Children. Parents who bring their whiny children to a Chinese buffet when they know damn well they're kids don't want anything outside the average bland American dish. Because of this, poor Ming in the kitchen has had to try to cobble together a pizza to please the obnoxious soccer moms who complain that there was nothing for their children to eat, which leaves less love for the egg drop soup. *rage*At this point I'm noticing the increasing length of these entries, an obvious sign of my descent into incoherent ranting. I'll do my best to wrap this up without ruining my keyboard by uncontrollably frothing at the mouth. No promises. If I don't make it, expect a future follow-up

5. Oh you've got to be kidding me. The ass behind be just spilled his syrupy fucking drink all over the floor, and it has run beneath my desk, coating the soles of my shoes. Now I'll have to walk around the rest of the day with that annoying stickyness and sickening sound thnkas to his iind;.dalmkm./........................................



EDITOR'S NOTE: I will have to differ with you on the Chinese buffets. Those places are cheap (both in cost and in substance) and I am actually delighted by their take on Western foods. There is one I go to with my sister in Springfield Illinois and it is just hilarious some of the things they come up with. E.g. baked mussels covered in cheese and breadcrumbs. Annoying as it may be, if you want good Chinese food without a bunch of that other crap thrown in, you have to go to a Chinatown restaurant. (I don't know where you live, but if you're in a major city most of them do have a Chinatown district.)

Class hatred

1. i hate when people show up to class 10 minutes before it ends, suffle all of their crap out of their bag and then start to eat a bag of doritos.

2. i hate when people make completely irrelevantant comments during the lecture. shut up if you dont know what your talking about. this includes the guy that sits in the front and has an opinion about everything.

3. i hate when people dont show up 2 weeks at a time and then ask me for all the notes they missed.

4. i hate the old lady in my class who thinks that because she's old, she's smarter then everyone else. she's not.

5. i hate the guy that sits behind me and pays more attention to what i'm doing on my computer then his own. yes, you. i can see you in reading my writing in the reflection. get back to work.


Ed note: Reason #2 is why I had to stop being an English major in college. If one more person gave their boring and totally irrelevant opinion on whatever we were reading, I was going to kill myself. So it was an easy choice.

CP

Calling 9-1-1 Hatred!

1. People that call the police for EVERYTHING. (from a lost phone to a DOG THAT IS BARKING AND NO ONE IS OUTSIDE)

2. People that complain about the police, but don't get any information on said police car (unit number, time of day-- NOTHING)

3. People that threaten dispatchers ("I pay your salary!")

4. People that dial 911 screaming on a cell phone, but don't give an address.

5. Management that expects you to work miracles and does not give you the resources needed.

Thanks, (yes I am a 911 dispatcher)


ed note: Thanks for this fascinating post! So is the story about people waking up in a bathtub filled with ice with instructions to call 9-1-1 because they had their kidneys harvested really true?

(And please don't make #6 "People who ask stupid questions about what it's like to be a 9-1-1 operator!")

CP

Justifiable hate

1. Take out sushi with one weenie little packet of soy sauce.

2. Giant truck owners who can't fit their vehicle between the parking lines.

3. Days that start out sunny and go cloudy

4. Billions in bail outs for the rich, but nothing for the unemployed and hungry.

5. Rush Limbaugh

Even later hate

1) people who are obsessed with horses and talk about them all the livelong day/have posters of them on their bedroom walls/are convinced that by not owning a horse, their lives are unfulfilled

2)teachers who set ridiculous amounts of work, expect you to have done it to an amazing level and yet can never be bothered to mark it

3) people who are ignorant about what's going on around them. There is simply no excuse for that

4) pilots who dont know how to fly planes and scare the absolute crap out of me during take off/landing/the entire duration of the flight

5) stupidly expensive tights (pantyhose) that get ladders in them as soon as you put them on and you physically have to hold back the tears on the train because you can believe tights that cost you £8.99 have been ruined before you even get to work

Late hate

1. I hate it when people don't look you in the eye when they are talking to you (or when you are talking to them). It seems they are looking for something else more interesting than you to talk/ listen to. If they are not interested, I would rather them say "Excuse me, I really need to go talk to this guy, or go use the bathroom, whatever" than to have your self-esteem plummet.

2. I REALLY hate it when it's your significant other pretending to listen to you.

3. I REALLY hate it when I can't tell my significant other that I DON'T like that. B/c then I'll start crying. Then I can't finish what I set out to say. I hate to cry in front of others when it's personal (I'll cry at a movie or email or whatever, but when it's personal, forget it, hate it). He asks me in front of the kids: You don't look happy, what's the matter? It's all I can do to say "nothing" and bang some dishes around until I go to the bathroom and cry.

4. I hate it when he pretends not to know what I'm saying (I am really horrible at verbal communication). And I know he knows what I'm saying, or what I want to say. Because, hell, if my sis-in-law, who I've known really well for 5 years can know what I'm saying, HE of all people should know what I'm saying or want to say, b/c we've been together for 25 years??? (Does this make sense, b/c it would sure make sense to my sisin law)!!
Is this a guy thing?? B/c I sure was hoping it was getting better, but it has detierioated (sp) since we got married (and esp. since we had kids).

5. I went to judge a Debate Forum this weekend. It was truly, wonderfully fabulous. Did anyone ask how it went when I got home? (crickets chirping).
Oh, wait, hubby asked (with eyes rivited on computer) "how'd debate thingee go? (I said ok, noticing he was otherwise occupied).
They only asked "What's for lunch?" "What are we doing today?".
I think this has been going on with me and others, for a long time. It's my own fault, too. It's time to change. I need to stomp my feet up and down. Get noticed. Have a hissy-f*cking-fit?? Whadyathink?

Ooops --- there's no hate thingee for number 5-- umm--how about "I hate it when there's no more beer in the fridge??"

Very crabby hate

1) Medians in middle of roads—seems I’ve spent hours going around them (to next light, making u-turn, etc) when I could’ve made the damn LEFT TURN in a second!

2) Sign ins on web sites (congrats--yours doesn’t have one!) “Sorry, try again…sorry, try again…you’ve been locked out!” What are we (or they) trying to protect ourselves from? Password….ooooo—now I’m safe….

3) Colonoscopies—ah…. When it’s your time………

4) Execs. not taking the same hit their “subjects” (employees) take

5) People who say “How are you?” Really want to know and have an hour or so?

Things Joe Hates

Our new friend Joe at Things Joe Hates writes in with his five things. To read the details of why he hates these particular five things, see his blog. Just don't decide to love him more than you love me.

CP



5. Plastic Shell Anti-Theft Packaging

4. Flying and Airports (ed. note: this is actually two things but we'll let it pass.)

3. Bathroom offenders (including the "no wash," the "no flush," the "blower" and the "moan & groan.") (ed. note: we initially got excited about "the blower" until we understood he was talking about a hand dryer.)

2. Processed Cheese

1. Spiders

Five Things PLUS

This Gentle Reader is so full of putrid bile that he sent not five but SIXTEEN things he hates. He is just the kind of guy we need over here at Five Things I Hate.

Good thing we like bending the rules 'round here. I was going to group them in lists of FIVE as per our custom, and post them as multiple entries, but I didn't on accounta I'm lazy. I reserve the right to do so in the future. And while I'm at it, I reserve the right to do whatever else the fuck I want.

Actually, our Gentle Reader technically submitted SEVENTEEN things because he opened his email with a little story about housecleaning and then said "Anywho... (and I hate that too, but I get to say it, because, well, it's me.)"

But since it's not numbered with the rest of them I'm not counting it.

CP

************************

1. I hate days that are gray but don't rain. What's the point? If it's going to be cloudy and gloomy, then go ahead and rain. It's like a wasted effect. Sure, just go ahead and depress the hell outta everyone, but don't finish the job. Jeez.

2. I hate pushy drivers. It's just irritating. Here she comes, in an SUV, talking on a cell, smoking a cig and going about 30 MPH faster than I'm going and I'm already behind someone traveling the right speed on a two-lane, NO PASSING road. But does that stop her? Nope. She just keeps barrelling up to my bumper and then starts veering over to make sure I notice her in ALL of my rear-view mirrors. I could go on, but I'm sure you've been there. She's probably got pure Starbucks coffee in her veins.

3. People who talk loud. Are they hard of hearing? Have they already made themselves deaf from their own loudness? And why does their volume DOUBLE the minute they are on their cell? I just want to yell at them: USE YOUR INSIDE VOICE!!!!

4. Cereal that gets soggy within less than a minute. We can land a man on the moon... so what's the deal? Are they training us for some kind of odd food-eating race? Avoid these brands:Any kind of bran flakeWheatiesCorn Flakes(This list may be added to at your leisure).

5. People who point out my typos when I've already told them it's a rough draft. It's not like I don't have spell-check. I just don't want to bother with all that BS until later. Quote: I'm sending you this rough draft and calling it a rough draft because IT'S ROUGH, dammit!Bonus Round:

6. When my mate uses my toothbrush by mistake. Look, I know that we've shared probably what amounts to sheer gallons of spit in the 14 years we've been together, but I don't recall needing or wanting to share old bits of food detritus or plaque. It creeps me out. And he also brushes those big ol' horse teeth of his like he's trying to take off the first layer of enamel which turns my brush into a flattened version of it's former self. It's just icky. Please make it stop.

7. Cigarette smoke smells on clothing. Way worse than just the pure smoke. Especially on chain smokers. You know the type, they are usually in Walmarts (I did that on purpose) and you get behind them and "wooohf!" it just takes over the entire aisle and then permeates YOUR clothing too like it's ALIVE, it's ALIVE!!! Get me outta there!

8. Dick Chaney's sneer. Oh, and his blatant imperviousness to U.S. Laws.

9. Carl Rove. See No. 8 above.

10. Sarah Palin's voice. More than just irritating. Hate-inducing.

11. People who pile up bags of mulch on their driveways but never use them. Like my neighbors across the street, for instance. 4 years going now. Wanna get in on the pool? I already have Spring 2012. I figure it will have decomposed into soil by then.

12. Dust. What is that crap anyway? I heard it's dried skin cells, but I have my doubts. I mean, c'mon... am I really losing that much skin in a week?

13. Extra packaging on food products for no apparent reason. Take Scalloped Potatoes, for instance. There's the box. Then you have the plastic bag for the dried potatoes. Then you have the fake-cheese-flavorings foil packet. I mean, really... can't they just put all that into ONE bag and put it on the shelf???

14. People who are late. Especially those who show up with zero excuse. C'mon, at least make something up! Last time this happened to me the girl just looked at me as if to say, "What? This is normal for me." I've dropped habitual late friends from my list. Including my sister. Seriously. This is a big deal for me.And last but not least:

15. Earwax. Why does this exist? What purpose does it serve? And why is it so damn hard to clean out? And it's soooo gross. The whole subject deserves special study but the only answer science has come up with is Q-tips. And we all know they don't really do the job justice. oh, one more:

16. Zits. 'nuff said.


ohhh, i feel sooo much better now. thanks!